Nonverbal Perceptions in Everyday
Life
Nonverbal communication is a very
powerful way of communicating with others whether we realize it or not.
Unspoken signs such as eye contact, body movement, attitude,
and posture can either make you feel connected and heard, or can cause
issues of distrust, anger, and feeling unimportant to whomever you are
conversing with. Facial expressions, touch, sensitivity, repetition,
and the sound of one’s voice can trigger how we respond to someone when
the situation is either good or bad.
I went through 11 different foster
homes from the age 1-7½ . Yes I had emotions, but I learned to suppress them
and I never really addressed anything that was bothering me. As a kid and even
as an adult I have dealt and still deal with a lot of bad things. I remember
everything that I went through as a child. Some people say having a good memory
is a blessing, well for me having a good memory has had its moments as a
blessing but for more than half of my life, it’s been a curse. There was this
foster family that wanted to foster me and my younger brother. We went to the
same house. They seemed like they loved me to a certain degree. They introduced
me to boating and basketball. They bought me new clothes, basketball shoes,
they signed me up and paid my way to learn how to play basketball through the
YMCA, they even signed me up for a bowling league as a kid and I earned six
trophies. I had my own bed, I didn’t share a room. I thought maybe I had a
family who cared about me. We carved pumpkins for Halloween and dressed up in
costumes and went to a Halloween costume contest party. We celebrated my
younger brother’s birthday as a family. Christmas was the best part! I actually
got presents that were fun and exciting, compared to a Christmas were I just
got school supplies, such as a calculator and notebooks. I had received a human
full sized stuffed animal pillow that was a golden retriever, that I snuggled
with while watching movies and spending time with my biological brother, foster
parents and their biological son that they had.
Where I am going with this next is,
that this family was by far the best family I had ever been with. I was not an
easy child to deal with, but given my circumstances in life it was
understandable why I acted the way I did. They took care of me, they cared about
my physical appearance, they introduced me to a whole different environment
where I could thrive as an individual and use my strengths in sports as a
positive and enjoyable memory and moment in my life. They were nice they smiled
and talked softly. All the verbal and physical cues that were being
sent to me were ones that made me think they wanted me and wanted to keep me.
One day the loving atmosphere, the
niceness, the love and attention stopped, its was like something was building
up and something bad was going to happen. Everyone was acting weird, distancing
themselves from interacting with me in the normal manner that I was growing to
love and was starting to accept. Well one day that day finally came, the
suspense of everyone not being themselves around me was finally here. It’s like
they didn’t know how to break whatever news to me that was hard for them to
talk about and so they just didn’t. One day my bags were packed and my suitcases
by the door. I had found out that I was moving to a different foster family, I
was really just getting used this family
and how they treated me like a human being compared to everyone else.
They sent me away but adopted my younger brother at this point all my siblings
had now been adopted before me.
When I left the family that adopted
my younger brother, they didn’t send me away with any of the nice clothes that
they had bought me while I was in their home. They didn’t send me with the
trophies that I won in my bowling league; they didn’t send my medals that I
earned as a kid learning how to play basketball, they sent none of that with
me. How could I ever show love to anyone who started loving me? I thought they
were so nice, they got me new clothes and treated me right. But then their
actions changed when they sent me away. They didn’t let me keep anything that
was associated with them in anyway. They had kept the previous clothes that I
came with, and sent me away with those awful clothes.
So did they really truly love me? I
could feel by their body language, their sudden change in personality that
something was so wrong but I didn’t know what. They knew they were going to get
rid of me and that it wouldn’t last forever, because they managed to keep those
wretched clothes I came with. They sent me away with those same clothes and
baggage that I brought with me, even down to the same suitcase that I had come
to them with. So did they know all this time that it wasn’t going to last? Did
they try it for the sake of my younger brother and how he would feel if we
weren’t together? I have no idea. But as I look back at this situation, I think
yes they knew I wasn’t staying forever and they kept me for the sake of my
brother and to look like they were trying to make it work. But the thing that
got me the most was that they kept all the things I came with, and sent me away
with nothing but a scrapbook they had made me to remember them and by
biological brother by.
After that heavy topic explaining
an unsuccessful nonverbal exchange, here is an example of a positive one. I
have always been blessed with the ability to want to make friends. Many of my
friends today will tell you that when I decided communications would be my
major, they weren’t surprised. I have never had a moment where I didn’t feel
the need to talk, or was at a loss for words. Common phrases I still hear today
are, “Jackie do you ever stop talking?” or “Is there an off switch?” My friends
mean this in a good way and we often joke about it and I reply with a “nope” or
“I’ve told you once I start talking I just can’t stop.” I have been blessed
with the ability to transition from one topic to another and then back again
with ease, most people refer to them as rabbit trails! I am blessed in the fact
that I have amazing friends who keep encouraging me, helping and guiding me
through life. I have been blessed in so
many ways and even though my parents and I aren’t on a talking basis, the
unspoken love and support I feel from friends that I consider to be family is
what keeps me going in life. When you have people in your life that love you in
the way that my foster family did in the beginning, but my friends do it all
the time it’s so reassuring that I am where I need to be in life. I couldn’t
tell you how many falling outs I have had with friends, but in spite of it all
we figure it out and move forward together. My pastor and his wife have been
instrumental helping me develop and mature in show I see myself, and to express
how I feel. Their little kind Gestures, the positive environment
that they have surrounded me with has changed my life. By having the support
group that I have in my everyday life, it has fueled a passion and drive in me
to serve others through good, and positive communication.
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