2017's Year of Highlights
I recently turned twenty-one on November 7th. These are the kinds of questions that asked myself about, "Would you say this year was the best year so far?"
What was the highlight of this year? How was this year compared to last? What are the pros and cons between the last year and the current one? What were the blessings that I had received from the Lord?
With all these questions the first thing that would come to my mind was negative things. Examples such as. (I didn't get this item, this broke on my car, the money that I had saved for this thing I wanted ended up being used on this thing that broke and was a necessity. I had to find a new place to live, I don't want to move again. This new apartment is small and doesn't have the amenities I want; such as laundry, a kitchen, space. I didn't get the bicycle that I wanted. This year was pretty much like the year before but a tad bit better due to not having unexpected bills. 2016 I had more money in my savings account.)
What's sad is I could go on and on with more examples of how ungrateful I've really been for the past three years. This is hard for me to admit that I am a sinner in need of The One and Only Savior. To be honest with everything I have been through in the last few years my spiritual well being went downhill. My relationship with Christ is not what it should be or nowhere near where it used to be. I want to have the relationship that my christian friends have with Christ, but I am not willing to give up the little control I have over my life. I want to control my own destiny, I want to be successful but on the merits of my own self. I want to be so independent in life, only counting on myself and not the help of others that I am leading myself down the path of destruction. And no matter how hard I try to will my success to happen it never will come to anything that I want it to be because it is on my terms and not the Lord's.
I have been convicted so many times and try to keep up on my bible reading and prayer, but it again falls short due to the busyness of my life which I have made that way. I am scared to death of dying because of what the Lord will say to me when He asks me why do I have the right to enter into the kingdom of heaven? If I were to answer that question right now as I am typing this I would answer I do not deserve the kingdom because I hardened my heart and ears to the good news of Jesus. It shames me to say this. Growing up in a religious, christian family you'd think I'd just get with the program and wouldn't have such a hard time with this.
I am blessed in the fact that I have amazing friends who keep up on me to pursue my relationship with Christ. I have been blessed in so many ways, the blessings I cannot see and the ones I can look back upon and say that was a truly a blessing.
So when I started writing this, it wasn't supposed to be this deep and semi heartfelt but it turned into that. I really was going to list the things that I looked back upon and saw as blessings. But I have so many friends who know me but don't really know what's going on in the mind of their dear friend Jackie and therefore I wanted you to know the progress inwardly (spiritually) that has been stagnate for a while. I think I will write about this in parts otherwise it might become ten pages long. If any one of you have anything to add, a word of encouragement or some insight into my behavior that you've noticed that has changed either for good or bad please feel free to tell me through messenger or in person. I just wanted you to get to know me on a more personal spiritual basis.
To write about my many flaws and sins isn't easy and is definitely outside of my comfort zone and will hopefully open me up to good conversation, growth mentally, spiritually and in relationships with other believers in general. I do not go to small group and I don't have a book that I'm currently going through with anyone but am open to the possibility due to the growth that needs to take place in my life. I hope you have found this good and I will try to continue to write my thoughts, prayers and pleas on a more regular basis. But I am confident that this topic will be continued Lord willing.
One big thing you could do is to pray for me when you remember or that I really would seek to love and serve the Lord giving up what little control i have to Him.
Thank you so much for all you have done and will continue to do. It means more than words can ever describe.
TO BE CONTINUED.........
Written by Jaclyn F. Wolf on 12/14/17
I recently turned twenty-one on November 7th. These are the kinds of questions that asked myself about, "Would you say this year was the best year so far?"
What was the highlight of this year? How was this year compared to last? What are the pros and cons between the last year and the current one? What were the blessings that I had received from the Lord?
With all these questions the first thing that would come to my mind was negative things. Examples such as. (I didn't get this item, this broke on my car, the money that I had saved for this thing I wanted ended up being used on this thing that broke and was a necessity. I had to find a new place to live, I don't want to move again. This new apartment is small and doesn't have the amenities I want; such as laundry, a kitchen, space. I didn't get the bicycle that I wanted. This year was pretty much like the year before but a tad bit better due to not having unexpected bills. 2016 I had more money in my savings account.)
What's sad is I could go on and on with more examples of how ungrateful I've really been for the past three years. This is hard for me to admit that I am a sinner in need of The One and Only Savior. To be honest with everything I have been through in the last few years my spiritual well being went downhill. My relationship with Christ is not what it should be or nowhere near where it used to be. I want to have the relationship that my christian friends have with Christ, but I am not willing to give up the little control I have over my life. I want to control my own destiny, I want to be successful but on the merits of my own self. I want to be so independent in life, only counting on myself and not the help of others that I am leading myself down the path of destruction. And no matter how hard I try to will my success to happen it never will come to anything that I want it to be because it is on my terms and not the Lord's.
I have been convicted so many times and try to keep up on my bible reading and prayer, but it again falls short due to the busyness of my life which I have made that way. I am scared to death of dying because of what the Lord will say to me when He asks me why do I have the right to enter into the kingdom of heaven? If I were to answer that question right now as I am typing this I would answer I do not deserve the kingdom because I hardened my heart and ears to the good news of Jesus. It shames me to say this. Growing up in a religious, christian family you'd think I'd just get with the program and wouldn't have such a hard time with this.
I am blessed in the fact that I have amazing friends who keep up on me to pursue my relationship with Christ. I have been blessed in so many ways, the blessings I cannot see and the ones I can look back upon and say that was a truly a blessing.
So when I started writing this, it wasn't supposed to be this deep and semi heartfelt but it turned into that. I really was going to list the things that I looked back upon and saw as blessings. But I have so many friends who know me but don't really know what's going on in the mind of their dear friend Jackie and therefore I wanted you to know the progress inwardly (spiritually) that has been stagnate for a while. I think I will write about this in parts otherwise it might become ten pages long. If any one of you have anything to add, a word of encouragement or some insight into my behavior that you've noticed that has changed either for good or bad please feel free to tell me through messenger or in person. I just wanted you to get to know me on a more personal spiritual basis.
To write about my many flaws and sins isn't easy and is definitely outside of my comfort zone and will hopefully open me up to good conversation, growth mentally, spiritually and in relationships with other believers in general. I do not go to small group and I don't have a book that I'm currently going through with anyone but am open to the possibility due to the growth that needs to take place in my life. I hope you have found this good and I will try to continue to write my thoughts, prayers and pleas on a more regular basis. But I am confident that this topic will be continued Lord willing.
One big thing you could do is to pray for me when you remember or that I really would seek to love and serve the Lord giving up what little control i have to Him.
Thank you so much for all you have done and will continue to do. It means more than words can ever describe.
TO BE CONTINUED.........
Written by Jaclyn F. Wolf on 12/14/17
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